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Thread: 101 Ways to tell you ARE Asian!!

  1. #1

    101 Ways to tell you ARE Asian!!

    Not to be taken seriously, but funny nonetheless!

    You go to drop off one person to the airport, but you take 50 extra people with you

    Your entire family runs the marathon when they see a dog (calmly walking on the other side of the road)

    Your cousin is said to have "gone abroad to get married", but you know he’s doing time in prison

    You were taught never to talk to strangers at primary school, yet your parents force you to call a complete stranger "Auntie"

    Your uncles crack jokes that aren’t even funny

    "Paracetamol" is your cure to every illness

    You somehow think you’re related to Prince Naseem Hamed

    Your remote control is still in its plastic packet

    You use your religion to get yourself out of almost anything e.g. P.E, class discussions, debates, etc.

    You secretly meet your boyfriend/girlfriend in the most obvious places (e.g. your front garden) and expect NOT to get caught by your parents
    "GET YOUR BACK-UP DOWN" and "KICK OFF!" is your solution to every problem

    You studied A’ Level Maths but still think it’s possible to fit 100 people into 1 car

    You wear sunglasses in hail, sleet and snow

    You accuse the shopkeeper of being racist when he kindly asks you to pay for your packet of crisps

    Your mobile phone "just happens to ring" when you see a member of the opposite sex

    You hire a convertible in mid-December

    You secretly watch "ZEE T.V." but pretend you’ve never heard of it

    "My mate wants to check ya!" is secretly your chat-up line

    Your car is better than your house

    You think you’re part of the MAFIA, yet you study Law

    You seem to think that this list DOES NOT apply to you

    You become obsessed with a member of the opposite sex, ring their house everyday, follow them home…and get rejected (you then ask out their best mate)

    You think it’s a sin if you admit you’ve revised before an exam

    You wonder why the person you fancy doesn’t come over when you and your mates scream, "Yo! Come over ‘ere!"

    At the age of 30, you still think you can get away with paying child fare on the bus

    You have a telephone at home but nobody is (ever) allowed to use it

    You find a photo of a man with bushy hair, white shoes and sunglasses…

    you ask who he is and find out it’s your uncle

    Your wear DKNY yet your mum buys material from Longsight Market

    You’ve failed your driving test 6 times, but you’ve been driving for the past 3 years

    In the primary school nativity plays you were always the donkey in the background (and if you were extra lucky, you were given the part of the villager)

    You’re related to your husband/wife even before you’ve married them
    The bus never stops for you

    You’re the last person to see your wedding card … and the person you’re getting married to

    Even your underwear is designer

    You dance at a complete stranger’s wedding (and claim you are a distant relative)

    You somehow think you were involved in Tu Pac’s death

    You drive your car around the same spot for 10 years playing music that was out in ’95

    You achieve A*’s in every subject and your parents tell you to STUDY HARDER

    Your car is better than your house

    Universities let you in for Medicine just by looking at you

    You are offended by this list and you’re going to make a complaint about it

    At home you have a butcher’s knife which is bigger than your head

    Wilmslow Road is like a second home to you

    There is a tub of "PRIDE GHEE" and a sack of "TILDA BASTMATI" in your hallway

    Your mum asks you what you want to be when you’re 6 six years old and you say, "a Bollywood Superstar"…ten years later you’re still saying the same thing

    You can’t go to certain places because your Uncle works there

    You think you’re life is just ONE BIG INDIAN FILM

    You somehow think you are a member of the F.B.I and therefore have to have code-name for everything e.g. T.P.

    You seem to think that an ordinary car is a racing car and ordinary roads are racing tracks, thus explaining why you speed around thinking you’re Damon Hill

    You were forced to watch Indian films during your childhood, and then your parents wonder why you lack in intelligence

    You are over-dressed for every occasion and seem to take it as a joke when someone calls you "Garry Glitter"

    You hardly ever take prescribed medicines because your parents have their own herbal cures at home

    Unknown "relatives" start ringing your house on the day that your exam results are coming out

    You are unable to open your front door because of the pile of shoes blocking the way

    Your Auntie has permed, dyed, damaged hair

    Your parents have a PANIC ATTACK when something dirty comes on t.v.
    A member of your family claims that they once used to live in the Taj Mahal

    You have 3 hobbies: CHILL, CHILL and CHILL

    You have to offer guests tea even before they’ve stepped into your house

    You address every other Asian person on the planet as "your cousin"

    You think you have the ability to take on the entire police force

    You dress identical to your friends and your favourite colour is black

    Girls: Your brother thinks he’s your dad


    Your wedding takes place in either a community centre or a crappy restaurant on Wilmslow Road

    You know how an Indian film will end even before it’s started (but you still watch it)

    You’re related to your doctor

    You go to a wedding with an empty car, but on the way back you end up giving the entire population of the wedding a lift home (and you haven’t seen half of these people in your life)

    At school, your parents were never aware of Parents’ Evening (…and if they did attend Parents’ Evening and you got a bad report, you told them that the teachers were all racist)

    You arrive late at every party

    At weddings the cameraman only ever cameras you when you’re eating

    Your phone line has been cut off at home, yet you own more than one mobile phone

    In primary school, your parents forced you to wear a glittery jumper with cats on it

    In high school, you teacher kept asking you if you were "forced to do things"

    In college, you either witnessed or were involved in a fight

    In University, you went to a Bhangra gig that ended with a big fight involving weird men wearing glittery pants and tacky golden earrings
    Your dad wears big, tinted-coloured sunglasses from the 60s (don’t even get us started on the yellow shirts)

    The closest you can get to appearing on Ricki Lake is CAFÉ 21

    Your parents find no criticisms in an Indian film where some guy jumps off a cliff and jumps back up again, people burst into song when their relatives are dying, evil politicians rule the world, and even the police don’t give a crap (and then they wonder why you prefer to watch "Eastenders")

    At parties, you wear more glitter and sparkly bits than a Christmas tree

    You get over-excited when you see another Asian person on t.v.

    You have attended every MELA ever organised

    You accuse your cousin of fancying you

    You lie to your parents about where you’ve been

    You know the name of every Asian person in College/University, and they know your name…but you never let on

    You know the lyrics to every Indian song ever written, but you deny it

    You come home to the sounds of Asian Sound Radio

    Your parents force you to listen to old Indian/Ghazal songs

    Your auntie always wants you to have a secret relationship with her son/daughter

    You are constantly being compared to every other Asian kid on the Planet

    You pronounce English words in a typical accent when speaking to your parents e.g. toilet: "Toylat"

    You never go to the library "to work"

    Your phone number is x-directory

    A member of the opposite sex simply says "hello" and you accuse them of stalking you

    You receive phone numbers from complete strangers (either that or you’re handing your number out to complete strangers)

    You own a gold chain with your name engraved on it

    Guys: you lock your sister up and then go out chilling yourself
    You have cousins that you’ve never even heard of

    At Bollywood superstar concerts you’re more interested in the people in the audience than the actual stars performing the show

    You wonder why people stare when you hire out a grand limousine for a wedding in a run down community centre located in the middle of nowhere

    You have received a prank phone call at least once in your life

    When celebrating a religious festival, you suddenly feel the need to scream and shout, dance on top on restaurants, cars… and even your friend’s shoulders for that matter

  2. #2
    nice but too long
    i read 1st few...of them...

  3. #3
    Member Array jojo_patty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Country: Sri Lanka
    Rep Power
    Good One.... but I am asian, but most of things have not happened to me, so I guess I am not Asian???

  4. #4
    nice one...gud post

  5. #5

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