Pack Your Bags
This guy bursts into his house and shouts, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"
She says, "That's wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies, "I don't care-just get the hell out!"
A 54 year old mathmetician left his wife a note that said, "When you get this message, I'll be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old secretary."
The wife faxed him at the hotel with the following message, "When you get this your 54 year old wife will be at home with an 18 year old boy toy. Being a mathmetician you know that 18 will go into 54 a whole lot more than 54 will go into 18."
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.