Short Male Versus Female Jokes
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:
"I wanna know your name..."
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind.
a: 2.No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!
Short Male Versus Female Jokes 2
Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one but you're not quite sure why.
Q: Why is food better than a man?
A: You don't have to wait an hour for seconds.
Q: What's a man's idea of helping to make the bed?
A: He gets out..
Q: Why are men and parking spots similar?
A: The good ones are already taken and the ones left are handicapped.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE! men will screw anything.
Q: What do toilet seats, anniversaries and a clitoris have in common?
A: Men miss them all.
Q: How do you keep a man interested after marriage?
A: Wear perfume that smells like beer.
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: She starts the sentance with "A man once told me..."
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: That's not the point, what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured outwomen?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know it has never happened.
Q: Why are there only snowmen and no snowomen?
A: Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow all Winter.
Q: Why don't men get Mad Cow disease?
A: Because men are pigs.
Q: Why are guys like lawn mowers?
A: They emit foul odors, are hard to get started, and do not last for long.
Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because vibrators don't mow lawns.
Q: What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
A: No mind-No business.
Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Q: Why are men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because they're all pigs.
Q: What is the main difference between men and boys?