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Thread: ever largest collection of sardar jokes..

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    ever largest collection of sardar jokes..

    * Wash Basin A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".


    * Three Engines Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"


    * Detective Job Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.


    * Guooonn, Guooonn Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."


    * Urine Test Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."


    * Bihari-Sardar A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"


    * Wrong Answer Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"


    * Road to Station Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"


    * Green TV Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."


    * Just a second Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.


    * Salary Expected Sardarji is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.


    * Crocodile Boots Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs, angrily exclaims: "71st and *again* barefoot!"










    * Thermos Flask Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."


    * Answering Machine Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home. Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."


    * Photocopies What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.


    * Photocopy What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.


    * Free Punjab There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"


    * 30000 kms A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!


    * Rechecking Answers: A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers

    * Money Needed
    Santa Singh needed some money desperately.
    Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
    The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to
    Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.
    Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!


    * What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
    "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"


    * What do you call an eternity?
    Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.


    * Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
    Toes Go In First.


    * What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
    You always hear about them but never see them.


    * Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
    Because it said concentrate.
    Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.


    * Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
    They think their picture is being taken.


    * How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
    It has a stamp on it.


    * Why can't Sardars dial 911?
    They can't find the 11 on the phone!

    # A Sardar Computer Illiterate: True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
    Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
    Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am
    within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
    Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's
    because
    I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a
    trade
    show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have
    any trademark
    on it?"
    Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know
    anything about a
    promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because
    he couldn't stand it.
    The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM
    drive as a cup holder,
    and snapped it off the drive!


    #
    Jurassic Park

    This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"



    #
    Photocopy

    One Sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one. Do you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun aren't




    #
    New House

    Santa meets Banta
    Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
    Banta: "No."
    Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
    Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".




    #
    Marathon Race

    One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
    "What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
    " We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
    "Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar




    #

    13th Floor
    One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
    thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
    to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
    Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
    panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
    window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
    floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
    Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
    he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
    he remembered he was not Santa Singh.







    #

    Phone Book
    A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
    and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
    most boring I've ever read. There was no story
    whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
    The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
    took our phone book."





    #

    Dark Room
    Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to
    give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
    bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.





    Electricity: A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity office
    " we lost the power send your men"
    " No Man here, Use Candles"




    #

    Relaxing
    One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
    came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
    answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
    asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
    ! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
    question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
    shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
    enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
    Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
    answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
    his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
    rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "





    Snap Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"




    Sex Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.




    # Plane Crash Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.





  2. #2
    Maha
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    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

    that's really funny

    Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.


    great one too



  3. #3
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    continuation of the sardar jokes...

    # Suicide Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)




    Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ; Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;





    An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .
    The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
    BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
    "Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
    And the machine is silent.
    The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
    BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
    "All right, 8 hamburgers".
    And the machine's silent.
    The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.





    Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
    Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
    See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB.
    Can't you carry even this much?"
    Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!




    Sardar Terrorist
    There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya as bombers. They
    had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So
    they were going on their destination in a car. On their way
    Bantya asked Santya, "Santya what will happen if the time
    bomb explodes in this car itself." Santya replied
    "Don't worry, I have a spare one!!!!!






    A Sardar and a Paki were walking outside when the Paki said, "Oh look at the dead bird."
    The Sardar looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"





    One Day, A sardarji went to take an art class. His
    art teacher gave the assignment that he must paint
    something. The sardarji did not know what to
    paint, so the teacher told him to paint that which
    he felt was the most beautiful thing in the world.
    The sardarji thought, Nothing can be more
    beautiful than my village, so I shall paint that.
    The sardarji spent all his time working on the
    painting the next day. He did not eat, sleep, or
    take a bath.
    Finally, he took the painting to his art teacher.
    His art teacher was amazed at the detail of the
    picture, but he said, "No, no, there is something
    missing. Go back to your village and see what you
    have missed."
    The sardarji went back to his village and revised his
    painting. The next day in class, he returned with
    the painting. He presented a black canvas to
    his instructor. His instructor said, "What! You fool!
    I said revise not destroy!"
    The sardarji said, "Well you told me to paint what I
    was missing, so I went back to the village, and looked
    for a long time. Then, there was a power outage, so I
    thought to myself this is what I am missing, so I painted
    black!"



  4. #4
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    continuation of the sardar jokes...

    Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there

    on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the

    interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his

    certificates and then starts asking him questions.



    Following is the transcript :



    O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials

    I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can

    answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some

    opposites



    S : Yes Sir.



    Officer started asking questions



    O : Above

    S : Below

    O : Front

    S : Back

    O : Left

    S : Right

    O : Male

    S : Female

    O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

    S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

    O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)

    S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

    O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)

    S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......

    Our sardar also shouts)



    #Officer is now angry.

    O : Get out

    S : Come in.

    O : Quiet please.

    S : Talk please.

    O : You are rejected.

    S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got

    his job.
    Click here for m






    While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.

    But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.

    A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.

    The sardar simply said ...
    "I am on my way to see a distant relative."






    Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games

    of chess to pass the time.

    They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends

    dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said -

    "Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!"






    Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class -

    All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. "

    Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??" "No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.

    Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."





    One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks
    suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby
    and then came back on the tracks.
    The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the
    driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar .
    He was questioned . He explained that there
    was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving
    from there even after lots of honks etc .
    Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to
    save life of one person you put life of so many passengers
    under danger.You should have overran that person .
    Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot
    started running towards the field when the train came very close.







    Travelling together once were a Russian, an American & the saviour of our
    nation - Sardarji!!!
    Each of them wanted to prove that their country was the greatest.
    Said the Russian, " We have a rocket that could touch the sky." "We
    dont believe it ",said the others.
    "Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. below the sky"
    Not to be out done the American said, " We have a submarine that can
    touch the ocean-bed of the deepest part on this planet."
    "We don't believe it ",said the others.
    "Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. above the ocean-bed"
    Our hero with a smile on his face said, "In our country we all eat
    with our nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"









    One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.

    Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."








    A porter loaded down with suitcases followed Mr. & Mrs. Santa to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."







    NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
    space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
    double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
    However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
    to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
    took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
    puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
    Finally, there was an Sardar who offered
    to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
    agreed to do anything.
    "Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
    Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
    "Bring it back to vertical position" the Sardar said.
    The engineers did.
    "Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
    rocket took off and flew into outer space!
    Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
    what to do. He replied -
    "It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
    Bajaj scooters in India".







    Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says.
    "This is Santa Singh down in Chandigadh, Punjab. I am
    ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on
    you!"

    "Well, Santa Singh," Bill replies, "This indeed is important
    news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

    "At this moment in time," says Santa Singh after a moments
    calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Banta Singh, my
    next door neighbour Gurjinder and the entire Kabbadi team
    from the Village. That makes 8!"

    Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa Singh that I
    have 1million men in my army waiting to move on my word."

    "OK," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

    Sure enough, the next day Santa Singh calls back. "Right Mr.
    Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire
    some equipment!"

    "What equipment would that be, Santa Singh?" Bill asks.
    "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gill's
    tractor from the farm." Once more Bill sighs and says, "I
    must tell you Santa Singh that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000
    mine layers,10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to
    1 and a half million since we last spoke." "I'll be dogged!"
    says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
    Sure enough, Santa Singh calls again the next day."Right Mr.
    Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to get
    ourselves airborne! We've gotten out old Govind's crop
    sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the
    Hockey team has joined us as well!"

    Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Santa Singh
    that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverability
    attack planes and my military installations are surrounded
    by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last
    spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."

    "Oh cripes," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back."
    Santa Singh calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Clinton, I
    am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
    "I'm very happy to hear that," says Bill. "Why the sudden
    change of heart?"
    "Well," says Santa Singh, "We've all had a chat and to be
    sure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."








    A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
    He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
    The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.

    The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh
    today and then you'll get the rest spread
    out for the next 19 weeks."

    The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want
    it."

    Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest
    during the next 19 weeks.

    The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If
    you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right
    now, then I want my five rupees back!"








    He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
    He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".

    He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up"
    Daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted
    to stay here for a night....."

    The rest is history.








    Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after completing his Y2K
    verification task.

    Dear Sir,
    Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on
    budget. We have gone through every line of code
    in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data
    files, including backups and historic
    archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to
    report that we have completed the "Y-to-K"
    date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs
    and all data to reflect your new standards:
    Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk,
    August, September, October, November, December

    As well as:

    Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.

    I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of
    this Y to K problem has made any sense to
    me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help
    in any way possible. And what does the year
    2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to
    do next year when the two digit year rolls
    over from 99 to 00?
    We'll await your direction."

    Very Sincerely
    Banta Singh
    Y2K Project Leader








    Then there were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh.
    Both of them bought a horse each.

    "How will we know which
    is your & which is mine?" asked Zail.

    "Easy"replied Jarnail.
    "I'll cut mine's tail,yours will be the one with tail"

    This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too.

    Next morning the confusion continued.
    "Don't worry "retorted Jarnail.
    "I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without
    the bell."

    The boys heard this also & cut the bell.

    The next day, Zail got frustrated & said

    "Okay now the last criterion,
    white will be yours & black will be mine."



  5. #5
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    continuation of the sardar jokes...

    Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"






    Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."







    Santa Singh is the aggressive participant on Kaun Banega..
    Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal: Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D:Amrish Puri?
    Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
    Amitabh: Sure?
    Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
    Amitabh: Confident?
    Santa Singh: Yes.
    Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
    Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
    Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
    Santa Singh: Yes.
    Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
    Santa Singh: Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!







    A Sardar, a Japanese, and a Britisher were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the Britisher took the seat, and the sardar took the door.
    After a while of walking the Britisher asked the Japanese, "I'm confused, why did you bring the Radiator?"
    The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
    Next the sardar asked the Britisher, "Why did you bring the seat?"
    So the Britisher said, "If I get tired, I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
    Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when I shall feel the need to get some breeze in this summer all I have to do is roll down the window."








    The doctor told the sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."



  6. #6
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    Continuation of the sardar jokess.......

    In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend told him "When you eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven??"
    Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife "How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach??". She replied "Five". Then Zail said: "If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it".






    Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with a man ahead of him. "Ek Punjab Mail dena', demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. Then came the turn of Banta Singh, "Ikk Punjab female dena" "What do you mean by Punjab female?" asked the clerk. "It is for my wife", replied Banta Singh.








    A Sardar walked into a household appliances store. The owner was busy tallying his accounts and his eyes were glued to his ledgers. The Sardar asked the owner, "I want that VCR."
    Without taking his eyes off the ledger, the owner replied ,"No, Sardar, that is not for you."
    Our Sardar felt insulted. He thought that the shop keeper was biased against Sardars. Next day he arrived at the shop clean shaven and without his headgear. He asked for the same VCR. The owner who was again busy tallying his accounts replied without raising his head, "No, Sardar, that is not for you".
    The Sardar was perplexed. How could the shop keeper guess correctly that he was a Sardar? So the next day, the Sardar went to the same shop disguised as a woman, in churidar and pyjama, head covered with dupatta and asked the same VCR. The shopkeeper again replied without raising his head, "No, Sardar, that is not for you".
    Puzzled the Sardar asked the shop keeper how he guessed that he was a Sardar without raising his head. "Very simple", said the shopkeeper, "That is not a VCR. That is a Washing machine!".










    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
    Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
    An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
    A Sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"








    Once Santa went to beach. A man was doing push up at the shore. Santa stops there & started laughing & said," I am sorry to tell u my dear friend but the girl below u has already left ! !! ! !!"







    Banta in a very morose mood tells Santa that his buffalo is ill. He enquires from Santa, "that wasn`t his buffalo also down with the same illness last year?"
    Santa replies in the affirmative. Banta asks for the medication used by Santa. Santa tells him that he gave 250 gms of opium to it.
    Banta goes home and gives 250 gms of opium to his ailing buffalo. The next day, he met Santa and told him that his buffalo died.
    Santa tells Banta that it isn`t surprising, because even his buffalo died after taking the opium.







    Santa and Banta were sitting in a coffee shop...suddenly the Town`s Fire Alarm went off. Santa jumped up and headed for the door.
    Banta shouted, "Hey, Santa, I didn`t know you were a fireman!"
    Santa replied, "I`m not, but my girlfriend`s husband is..."



  7. #7
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    One more update to this joke....

    SARDAR & HIS WIFE GOING 2 CITY IN AUTO....
    DRIVER ADJUSTED MIRROR..
    SARDARJI SHOUTED U R SEEING MY WIFE...
    GO & SIT BACK I WILL DRIVE THE AUTO...
    ============================== ==
    1 SARDAR PURI LIFE ONLY 1 THING SOCHTE SOCHTE MAR GAYA

    KI MERE TO 2 BROTHERS HAI
    PHIR MERI SISTER KE 3 BROTHERS KAISE
    ============================== ============
    SARDAR APNI SISTER KE SAATH BIKE PE JA RAHA THA.
    BOY: OH! PAAJI GIRLFRIEND K SAATH KAHA JA RAHE HO

    SARDAR: OYE ! GIRLFRIEND HOGI TERI MERI TO SISTER HAI.
    ===============================
    1 SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA.

    FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA
    JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA..

    GUESS WOH KYA BOLA.....




    IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO
    ============================== ==========
    WHAT IS THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN A SARDAR & A DONKEY

    BOTH MOVES TOWARDS THE ROAD TRANSPORT AS THEY GROWN UP
    ============================== ==========
    1ST SARDAR : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
    andone is blue with red spots!

    2ND SARDAR: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
    home.
    ============================== ==========
    SARDAR AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA
    2ND SARDAR: wo kaise?
    1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya.
    ============================== ===========
    Sardarjee to Sunita:
    " I want to marry you"Sunita:
    But I am one year elder to you.
    Sardarjee: No Problem, then I will marry you next year.
    ============================== ===========
    Sardar declares:
    .. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .

    .. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . . .
    ============================== ===========
    SARDAR talking on cell.
    2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
    1ST: biwi se.....
    2ND: itne... pyar se....?
    1ST: tumhari hai. . .
    ============================== ============
    SARDAR- yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya dun ?
    2ND- Gold ring de de
    1ST- koi badi cheez bata
    2ND - M.R.F ka tyre de de. .
    ============================== ============
    A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
    sardar ran to catch the donkey.
    He saw a zebra & started beating it
    & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
    ============================== ============
    SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

    1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

    2.Weakness:Banta's wife,Preeto.

    3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.

    4.Threat:When I am on tour
    ============================== ==========
    A SARDAR gave an Ad in matrimonial column
    "PATNI CHAHIYE"
    He got 1000 replies all saying-- 'Meri Le JA. ..
    ============================== =========
    A Sardar sees a beautiful girl . He goes and kises her . The girl shouts and
    says
    what r u doing.
    Sardar says B COM from KHALSA college.
    ============================== ========
    sardar: yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai,
    friend: acha wo kaise?
    Yar kal me ghar aya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard k sath bethi
    thi.!!
    ============================== ========
    Sardar: yaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gai..
    mona: tune use pyar se nahi rakha hoga,
    sardar: nahi yar sagi behan se bhi badkar rakha tha..
    ============================== =======
    sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
    Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
    now it's 1.5 ltr.
    ============================== =====
    On Jeeto's bday
    Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
    When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank
    manager.
    ============================== ========
    Yamraj took a sardar on tour to hell. There he saw gandhi dancing with
    Bipasha.
    He asked:gandhi de saza ini mazedar kyon?
    yamraj: saza ta Bipasha nu diti hai..
    ============================== ========
    Sardar breaks an egg 2 make an omlet.
    He finds d egg empty . . . Gets frustrated &
    say's "iski maaki,aaj kal murgian bhi abortion karati hai!
    ============================== =======
    teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
    sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
    ============================== ======
    how can u identify a sardar in a classroom?

    try

    try

    think....

    very simple

    just see

    who is erasing notes when teacher is erasing blackboard
    ============================== ============
    Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
    Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
    ============================== ============
    Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti..??

    So..
    santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is
    Jayanti..
    ============================== ===========
    Santa went to mysore palace.

    Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
    Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up wen he comes.!!..
    ============================== ===============
    Santa:banta yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
    Banta: oye tenu eh v nhi pata Santa. dear jab auto main koi ganji ladki ja
    rahi ho to usse kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI.
    ============================== ===============
    Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
    Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
    Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
    ============================== ===============
    Banta: you cheated me.
    Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
    Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India
    Radio!
    ============================== ==========
    Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
    A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
    ============================== ==========
    What's Ford?
    Santa: Gaadi.
    What's Oxford?
    Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
    ============================== =========
    Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
    A: He wanted to see butterfly!
    ============================== =========
    Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
    Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
    ============================== =========
    Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda.
    Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
    ============================== =========
    Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay
    batao.
    Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
    ============================== =========
    Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
    Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
    Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.



  8. #8
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    amazing sardar...

    ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,

    WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..

    MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

    MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

    MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
    SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!







    "Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
    Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...

    Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
    Italian : How far is land, from here ?
    Sardarji : Two miles .
    Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.
    I have got the experience of swimming even more.
    The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up
    to the layer to ask something again.
    Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
    Sardarji : Downwards... !!









    Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
    Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you."
    Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."









    Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
    beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
    "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
    So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.








    A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels,
    but he always started reading from the middle.
    A friend of his asked why he did so?"
    It'z doubly interesting" , said the Sardar. "TO start from the
    middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning







    A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate

    Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education
    on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer
    two questions:
    1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
    2. How many seconds are there in a year?

    The Sardar thought f or a few minutes and answered...
    1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
    2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

    Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not
    the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
    12 seconds in a year?"
    The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
    Saint Peter lets him in without another word








    Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
    A. Moti-vating. .!!!








    Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisi???machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi
    tili nahin jalti.

    Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.







    Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisi???machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi
    tili nahin jalti.

    Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.









    Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisi???machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi
    tili nahin jalti.

    Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.



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    one more is here for u..........

    After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,

    Do I look like a foreigner?
    Wife: No! Why?
    Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?



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    Contuinuation....

    80,000 sardars meet in the gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not
    Stupid" Convention.




    The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
    Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"



    A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the
    stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"



    After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"



    Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.



    Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him
    another chance!"



    The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
    80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global
    broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."



    So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"



    After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"



    The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
    Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the
    80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,



    "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"



    The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more ha than damage,
    eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"



    The surd closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"



    Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies
    jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...



    ..............................................



    ......................................



    ................................



    ..........................



    ....................



    ................



    ..............



    ............



    ..........



    ........



    ....



    ..



    .




    "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!



    "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!



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