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Thread: 50 JokeS

  1. #1

    atif is offline
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    50 JokeS

    1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
    Every 10 sec a
    woman gives birth to a kid.
    A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

    2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
    Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
    Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
    others running?

    3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
    into future tense.
    Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

    4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
    not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
    After much thought he wrote: Yes!

    5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
    it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
    umbrella and go.

    6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
    gave 11cr after
    deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
    return my 20 Rs

    7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
    Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
    posted it....

    8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
    peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
    passengers in the
    car he was driving..

    9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
    looking thing is
    what you call modern art ?
    Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

    10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
    Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
    Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

    11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
    sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
    digging for more..

    12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
    in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

    13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
    Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
    Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
    Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

    14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
    and lighten your burden.
    Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
    Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

    15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
    give up my seat to a lady.
    Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
    Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

    16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
    my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
    "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

    17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
    Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

    18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
    My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
    Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

    19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
    Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
    Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
    Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
    Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

    20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
    It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

    21 What is a girl friend?
    Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

    22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
    waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
    supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
    Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara

    23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
    If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
    The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
    The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
    Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
    The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
    "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
    To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

    24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
    "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
    "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

    25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    26 What's the definition of lawyer?
    The larval form of a politician

    27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

    28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
    He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

    29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
    weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

    30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
    After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
    When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
    (What Happened, My Son?)

    31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
    aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!

    32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
    because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
    'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

    33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
    nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
    hai ki Reliance mai Job.

    34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
    A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
    ensures U
    Continue to do so.

    35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
    Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

    36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
    comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
    ta ra ra.

    37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
    what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

    38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
    Husband : Nothing.
    Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
    hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

    39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
    thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya

    40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
    fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

    41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
    Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher

    42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
    Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
    Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
    Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

    43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
    Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
    Wife : Yes and no.

    44 Man : How old is your father?
    Boy : As old as me.
    Man : How can that be?
    Boy : He became a father only when I was born

    45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
    Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
    Teacher : How?
    Student : Ladies first.

    46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
    Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
    Customer : I bet you, it won't.
    Post Master : Why not?
    Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

    47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
    2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
    1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

    48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
    After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network

    49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
    Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
    Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
    gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..

    50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
    love; after marriage it is self-defense

  2. #2
    nice jokes.

  3. #3
    koool jokes but few r again repost...sorry ..don't get angry

  4. #4
    gr8 jokes

  5. #5
    Nice jokes, good post

  6. #6
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    Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns an apple shop in US.

    One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere.
    He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price,
    tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet
    or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not.

    If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.

    Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples.
    A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ?

    Sardarji replied $2 a pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.
    Sardarji replied, some are, some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I
    will take you to police station.

    Sardarji replied, if you will not take me some body else will take..

  7. #7
    Nice one Atif

  8. #8

  9. #9
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    I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
    I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
    I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~

    God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
    He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
    He saw me in dark, he created light .
    He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*

    Twinkle Twinkle little star
    You should know what you are
    And once you know what you are
    Mental hospital is not so far.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*

    The rain makes all things beautiful.
    The grass and flowers too.
    If rain makes all things beautiful
    Why doesn't it rain on you?

    *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*

    Roses are red, Violets are blue
    Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
    Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
    Not in cage but laughing at you.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*

    Just like that ...

    When your life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from
    Darkness and if after you pray and you are still in darkness, please
    __________________________________________________ ____

    Son to Father about marriage

    A young son asked
    "Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa
    a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

    Marriage cost

    A little boy asked his father,
    "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
    Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

    Names and Obsessions

    Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children."You all have obsessions," he observed.

    To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with Eating. You've Even named your daughter Candy."

    He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is with Money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

    He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is Alcohol.This, too, manifests itself in your child's name,Brandy."

    At that point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
    "Come on Dick, we're leaving !!!"

    Boss calling his employee

    A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in
    sick one day.

    Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled
    the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.


    "Is your daddy home?" he asked.

    "Yes," whispered the small voice.

    "May I talk with him?"

    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
    Mummy there?"


    "May I talk with her?"

    Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

    "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
    asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

    "No, he's busy", whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"

    "Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered

    Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
    through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

    "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

    "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed
    the hello-copper."

    Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
    they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:


    Husband & Wife

    A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

    Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

    WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

    HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

    WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

    HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

    WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

    HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "

    WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

    HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

    WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

    HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

    WIFE: "Would you sleep
    with her in our bed?"

    HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

    WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

    HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

    WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

    HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

    WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

    HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

    WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

    HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

    WIFE: -- silence --

    HUSBAND: "shit.."

    Yours Forever

    Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
    The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

    Milionaire interviewing

    Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your
    success as a millionaire?"
    Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
    Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you
    before you married her?"
    Millionaire: "Billionaire"

  10. #10
    Nice one Atif

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