Would You Marry Again?
A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.
"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get married again?"
The husband said, "Never, my dear."
The wife said, "I''m sure you would."
So the husband said, "Okay, I would"
"Would you let her sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.
And the husband replied, "I suppose so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?"
"I doubt she''d want to," the husband said. "She''d be so much thinner."
Cloak & Dagger
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!""Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down.""That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?""Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says."Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda.""Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."
Girl and Dog
A little girl and her dog are walking through the forest when they suddenly fall into a pit. They scramble and scramble but can''t make their way out. The little girl yells, the dog barks, but no one is around to hear their calls for help. Slowly, the night sky turns black and they find themselves engulfed in utter darkness.
Off in the distance, the wolves begin howling. Each howl is louder and closer than the last.
The little girl holds the dog close to her chest and says sadly to the dog, "This is the worst mess in which ever have found ourselves, my darling Sparky."
"Yeah," the dog says, "we''re really screwed."
"Sparky," the girl says, astonished, "I didn''t know you could talk."
"Well," the dog says, "I was kinda waiting for the right time to tell you."
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''
''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''
''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''
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