* The captain was in despair at his side's fielding. Match after match, they dropped every chance that came their way. Finally one day the captain called his men together and told them that he was taking them fishing.
What for? they asked.
'To make sure you catch something this season!'
* The stonewaller had been at the crease for two hours and had scored one run. It finally got too much for the umpire. He raised his finger and said: 'Out'.
'What for?' said the batsman.
'Loitering with intent,' answered the umpire.
* The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain.
'You know,' he said, 'You've picked two men who should never be in the side.'
'Oh really,' said the captain icily, 'and who's the other one?'
* Two pigeons were talking as they stood on the boundary watching the game. 'Now here's what we do,' 'We wait till the bowler runs up and bowls, and then, as the batsman hits it, we suddenly fly up over the stand. It gets the crowd every time!'
* It was a hot, sultry day, the game was boring, and the two batsmen had put on three runs in the last hour.
Suddenly, outside the ground, the peace was shattered by a car backfiring. A spectator jumped up and shouted, 'That it! Let's all go home! The scorer's shot himself!'
* Yorkshiremen are known for their devotion to cricket. In fact, one day, an avid Yorkshire fan was asked, 'If your wife and Geoff Boycott were in a house that was falling over a cliff, who would you save?' 'Are you kidding?' was the reply. 'My wife's a lousy bat.
* You're looking glum'. 'Yes. My doctor says I can't play cricket.' 'Really? I didn't know he'd ever seen you play!'
* The two cricketers' wives were talking.
'What does your husband do?' 'He's a cricketer.'
'So's mine. Who does your play for?'
'Well, I think it's the United Nations. He says he's always bowling Chinamen.'
* An American had been told to go to a cricket match while he was in England. He watched with pleasure as the teams came out and the batsman scored four runs off the first six balls. Then the umpire called "OVER". "Well," he said, getting up, "it's a nice game - but it's very short!"