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    True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K


    Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
    Customer: A white one…
    Customer: Hi, this is Celina. I can't get my diskette out.
    Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
    Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
    Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note …
    Customer: No … wait a minute… I hadn't inserted it yet… it's still on my desk… sorry.
    Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?
    Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello… I can't print.
    Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and …
    Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
    Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it…
    Customer: I have problems printing in red…
    Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
    Customer: No.
    Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
    Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
    Customer: It's not working.
    Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
    Customer: I hit the F-key Eight-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
    Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer: OK
    Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah…that one does work!
    Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
    A customer couldn't get on the internet.
    Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.
    Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
    Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
    Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
    Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
    Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
    Helpdesk: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

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