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Thread: Can these make u laugh...........

  1. #1

    Can these make u laugh...........

    After directory assistance gave Rosy, her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Adam there?" Rosy asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," Rosy said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, Rosy dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Adam," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" Rosy exclamed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

    Brian came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her. "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails. "How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" Brian asked nervously. "Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails. "Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Brian went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?" The wife looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."


  2. #2
    This old man and old woman (husband and wife) die and go to heaven. There, St. Peter gives them the grand tour of their new home. It's a HUGE mansion with a limo driver, gardener, etc. The old man exclaims, "That's ours?" St. Peter says "Yes, it is yours, forever and ever." The old man is a little suspicious and says, "How much is the rent?" St. Peter says, "It is free. After all, this is heaven." Across the street is an expansive golf course with beautifully manicured lawn, interesting layout, and fun golf carts. St. Peter says, "You can play here whenever you want." The old man says, "What are the green fees?" St. Peter replies, "None. After all, this is heaven." The old man is very impressed. They go inside the house and on the dining room table is a gigantic feast with roasted meats, desserts, fine wine and all the fixings. The old man says, "How many calories?" St. Peter says, "None. After all, this is heaven." The old man gets a look on his face like he suddenly understands what heaven is all about. Then the old man suddenly turns and slaps the old woman, yelling, "You stupid witch! If it weren't for your damn bran muffins and tofu and other health food, not to mention making me give up booze and cigarettes and take exercise every day, we could have been here YEARS ago!"

  3. #3
    Rahul's grandfather left him Rs 10 million, and the next week Maria agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Rahul noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. "Maria," he said, "the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me Rs 10 million when he died." "Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"

    On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening. "Oh, it's not over yet." He said. Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation and inside are two small tablets. She asked, "But what are these two little pills?" "Aspirin." The man replied. "But, I don't have a headache." She said. "There you go, I told you the evening wasn't over yet!" he snidely said

  4. #4
    A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here." She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"

  5. #5
    A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" husband asked wife. After some thought, she said, "I'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age." Then wife asked husband, "What will you do if I die first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing."

    A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is."

  6. #6
    There was a man who had worked all his life, saved all his money, and was a real miser. Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him. Well he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say, "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket. The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied, "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him." "You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!" "I sure did," said the wife, "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote a cheque, if he can cash it he can spend it.

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