*A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

*Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

*Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge

*When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election

*My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes









*Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence