The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians...

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.









Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room