01. In Maryland, a woman cannot go through her husband's pockets while he is sleeping. Not even if she really wants a piece of gum.

02. In Vermont, a woman must obtain written permission from her husband if she wishes to wear false teeth. Because women really lead with their teeth in wanton, uncontrolled sexuality.

03. In Tucson, Arizona, women are not allowed to wear pants. No word on the stance on booty shorts or thongs.

04. In Carrizozo, New Mexico, it is illegal for a woman to appear unshaven in public. Rejoice, razor industry, rejoice!

05. In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to call a man on a date. I don't want to live in a world where equal-opportunity drunk dialing isn't free to all.

06. In Carmel, New York, women may not wear high heels within the city limits. They are obviously just protecting their citizens, as this move effectively disqualifies the city from ever letting a "Sex and the City" sequel to be shot in their town. Good move, Carmel!

07. In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her hair without her husband's permission. But what if her husband cuts it for her?