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Thread: Letter from old lady account holder to bank

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    Letter from old lady account holder to bank

    Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.


    Dear Sir:

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
    which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

    By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed
    between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
    of the funds needed to honor it.

    I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my
    entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place
    for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that
    brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30
    by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
    My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
    caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

    I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls
    and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
    impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
    bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-
    blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
    hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by
    check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your
    bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
    person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
    Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am
    sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about
    him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
    Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
    countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of
    his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must
    be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY
    convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
    he/she must quote in dealings with me.

    I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
    modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access
    my account balance on your phone bank service.. As they say,
    imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    Let me level the playing field even further.

    When you call me, press buttons as follows:

    IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR
    ENGLISH

    #1. To make an appointment to see me

    #2.. To query a missing payment.

    #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

    #4.. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

    #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

    #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

    #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
    computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later
    date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

    #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

    #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
    put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

    #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.


     


    While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
    will play for the duration of the call.

    Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
    establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

    Your Humble Client



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    lol.. However, pin number can not be longer than four digits.

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    what a letter..
    welcome haily...

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    how are u ajnabee. im fixing a book that i made for one of my frnds.. its all duas...

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    me f9 dear
    wow thts grt...

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    yes.. nd i hate it, my dumb stapler stopped working on me. ;(

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    oooo gossshhhhhhhhhh........

    Haily have u noticed the irrelevant threads posted in different sectionsss

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    which one.. these days i notice alot of irrelevant topics in threads..

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    many there is one posted under ur thread in this section

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    Wht do u mean under my thread ?

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