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Thread: funny jokes by me

  1. #1
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    funny jokes by me

    Alcohol warning


     


    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.


    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.

    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants..



  2. #2
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    Life chapters

    Love and Romance
    6 weeks: I love U, I love U, I love U
    6 months: Of course I love U
    6 years: GOD, if I didn’t love U, then why the hell did I propose?

    Back from Work:
    6 weeks: Honey, I’m home
    6 months: BACK!!
    6 years: What did your mom cook for us today?

    Gifts:
    6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
    6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living Room.
    6 years: Here’s the money. Buy yourself something.

    Phone Ringing:
    6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
    6 months: Here, for you.
    6 years: PHONE RINGING.

    Cooking:
    6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
    6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
    6 years: AGAIN!!

    Apology:
    6 weeks: Honey muffin, don’t you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
    6 months: Watch out! Don’t do it again.
    6 years: What’s not to understand about what I just said??

    New Dress:
    6 weeks: Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
    6 months: You bought a new dress again?
    6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

    Planning for Vacations:
    6 weeks: How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound?
    6 months: What’s so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
    6 years: Travel? What’s so bad about staying home?

    TV shows:
    6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
    6 months: I like this movie.
    6 years: I’m going to watch ESPN, if you’re not in the mood, go to Bed, I can stay up by myself!

  3. #3
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    [size=45]Saving a president[/size

    One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
    Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

    After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I’ll give it to you.”

    The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Disneyland!”

    “I’ll personally hand it to you,” said Bush. “I’d like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,” the second boy said.
    “I’ll buy them myself and give them to you,” said Bush. “And I’d like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy.

    “I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!”

    “No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.”

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    haha...nice ones..

  5. #5
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    Good ones.

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    haha...

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