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Thread: Children joke

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    Children joke

    Family Tradition

    Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot !"

    Johnny: "It's a family tradition".

    Teacher: "What do you mean?"


     


    Johnny: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

    Teacher: "What about your mother?"

    Johnny: "She's a woman..."



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    Natural Childbirth

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"

    "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."

    "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"

    "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.

    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.

    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

    "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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    [b/Parents Worst Nightmare[/b]

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

    Dear Dad,
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

    I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

    But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana & cocaine doesn' t really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

    In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

    Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

    Love, your son,
    Johnny

    P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at, my friend, Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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    A Big Commitment

    Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.

    "Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."

    "I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your part," the father pointed out.

    "Please, Dad?"

    "They're not cheap either."

    "I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."

    Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door.

    From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?!"

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    Honest Lawyer!
    Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door.

    "Hi, my name is Billy," he says, "what's yours?"

    "Tommy," replied the other.

    "My daddy's an accountant," says Billy. "What does your daddy do?"

    "He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.

    "Honest?" says Billy.

    "No, just the regular kind."

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    Weight Lifting

    Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.

    "Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."

    "I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your part," the father pointed out.

    "Please, Dad?"

    "They're not cheap either."

    "I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."

    Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door.

    From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?!"

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    [b]Most Famous Man[/b

    One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

    An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

    Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

    Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."

    As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."

    Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"

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    The Lost Coin

    My husband and I had just finished tucking our young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room.

    Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically.

    He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die.

    No amount of talking could change his mind.

    Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear.

    Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, dad!"

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