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Thread: Santa banta joke

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    Santa banta joke

    While in London


    Santa went to Banta s house and said, "Oye Banteya, lets go to London"
    Banta replied "Yes Santa, par mainu English nahin aandi" (I can t speak English)
    Santa assures Banta that his English skills are better than average, and that he d take care of him in London. Santa and Banta reach London, and pretty soon are sauntering down the middle of a fairly busy road!
    A Gori Mem(blonde) pulls up behind them in her Austin Princess and starts of in English ...... Oh Man! ,,, You are jay-walking BLAH BLAH don t you have any regard For the traffic rules in this country ... etc.. etc..
    Santa turns around, looks at the Gori Mem, and Starts rattling off the following at a fairly brisk Pace.
    "To the Principal, Government High secondary school, Village Noorpur, Post Office Noorpur, Tehsil Jalandhar, District Jalandhar, Punjab, India. Sir ... I am having severe stomach aches since yesterday, and my Phamily doctor has recomended bed rest! .... Please grant me two days sick leave. Yours Obediently .... Santa."
    The Gori is quite baffled at the sudden outburst from Santa, and quitely gets into her car and leaves.
    Banta is amazed. He runs up to Santa and says "Oye Santa, tu taan phate chak dite"! Us gori de takkar di angrazi bol ke" (You put that gori back in her place, your English sounds better than hers)
    Santa Shrugs off Banta and says: "oye yeh taa kuch bhi nahin, je jaada tain tain kardi na .... mainu Thirsty Crow te Greedy Daag Dono aande se dono suna dene se" (that was only a sample, if she would have stuck around I would have recited thirsty crow and Greedy dog for her as well).


     



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    Vegetarian Chicken

    Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

    The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

    After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, �You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

    Santa�s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.

    The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

    There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

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    Secret of a happy married life

    Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

    Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

    Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

    Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

    Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

    Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

    Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

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    Beautiful Models

    Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.

    Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

    Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

    Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

    Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

    Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"

    Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

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    Snake Bite

    Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

    "I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

    He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

    "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

    Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

    "What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

    "He says you're gonna die."

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    Wedding Gift

    Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.

    Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the "RSVP " was missing .

    The printer was surprised by Jeeto's knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.

    Jeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

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    Mental Deficiency

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host, Banta, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

    "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Banta asked "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

    "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

    "What sort of question?"

    "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

    Banta thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

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    Banta's Delusion

    Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

    The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

    Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

    "Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

    "Yes, I do," Banta replied.

    "Very well, then," the doctor said.

    He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

    The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

    "Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"

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    Smoke Rings

    A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar.

    He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.

    As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

    After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"

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    Overnight Stay
    Having snuck out with a very cute young woman that he met at a party, Banta, exhausted from hours of hot sex, woke up at her apartment at 3 A.M.

    "Oh God!" Banta thought, "Jeeto's gonna kill me!"

    Trying to figure out how he would explain this to Jeeto without getting whacked with a frying pan, inspiration struck first.

    Banta dashed out to the nearest pay phone, dialed his home number quickly, and breathlessly said, "Jeeto, Jeeto! Don't pay the ransom!!! I escaped!!!"

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