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Thread: 100 funny joke

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    100 funny joke

    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
    father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
    arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
    here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
    photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

    "Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
    "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
    "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
    babies"
    "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

    After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
    couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
    fun too; you can really spread out!"
    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
    "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
    try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
    angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
    "My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
    "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
    and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
    "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.


     


    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
    baby pictures.
    "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
    "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
    mother was so difficult to work with"
    "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
    done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
    a good look"
    "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
    "Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
    mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
    Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
    squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
    um......equipment?"
    "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
    can get to work."
    "Tripod?????"
    "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
    me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
    fainted!!"



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    A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
    in bed with another man.
    "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
    "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what
    if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
    your wife?"
    The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane
    and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."

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    3.
    A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were
    asked if they would ever sleep with President
    Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

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    An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
    called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
    it or the express degree you told me about?"

    "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
    why do you want to become a lawyer?"

    "That's my business! Get me the course!"

    Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
    was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

    Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
    it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
    lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
    tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
    you died?"

    In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
    "One less lawyer . . ."

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    Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
    Pop! What are you doin'?"
    His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
    Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
    gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."

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    Jo Urdu main sms ka mazah ata hai wo enligsh main to nai ata na.

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