An old generation Banker (a branch manager) was recently kidnapped in one of the cities (while on his way to work). The kidnappers managed to drop this note at the Bank's area office:

From Kidnappers

We have taken your Branch Manager hostage. We shall do him no harm except you push us to the wall. In order to necessity his release, you are to provide the sum of USD 5 million OR ELSE. Once the funds are ready, drop a note on your Notice Board "Attention Kidnappers - it is set" and we shall contact you to give u details of the drop. You have seven days only. Terms and conditions apply.

The Next day, the was a notice on the Bank's notice board


We are indeed interested in serving you better and establishing a business relationship with you (all of you). However, Central Bank regulations clearly states that we must KYC(know our customers). On this note, to process this transaction further you must open a current account with us bearing in mind to provide the following"
1. Means of identification - National ID card, driver’s license or International passport.
2. Recently Paid Utility bill clearly indicating your purported address - in event you don’t have, your community leader (recognized by government) would have to attest that you stay there.
3.Minimum of two referees who have current accounts - preferably with our Bank
4. Your account mandate would need to be clearly stated and if you would be requiring branded cheque books
5. Statement of account used by you for the last six months

The essence of having a current account is to enable us process the facility you are requesting for. It could be a revolving credit or one off - as you like it. Based on exigency, we would give you a discounted interest rate of 17% pa as against 22%. You have an option to repay over a maximum of 48months.

As for collateral, you can lodge the hostage in your custody with us. On full repayment of the loan, you can have the hostage for keeps. Further clarifications can be gotten from any of our customer service desks across the country or from the Branch Manager in your custody.

Looking forward to doing business with you

Signed: Management

The next day, the Branch manager was found tied up in front of the Bank's notice board with a notice.

YOU ARE NOT EMPLOYEE FRIENDLY AT ALL. Kindly consider paying for the fuel we have burnt so far, the rope we used to tie him and the cost of typing our correspondences. The sum of USD N100 would be in order, and you can pay by sending a mobile recharge card to this number +44 7719419419.