A modern employer is one who is looking for men between the ages of 25 and 30 with 40 years of experience.
What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.
Crime doesn't pay...
Does that mean my job is a crime?
What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
" Do you think I should put more fire into my editorials?" the writer asked.
"No," said his editor. "Vice versa."
What part of the car causes the most accidents?
The nut that holds the wheel.
Customer to used-car Salesman: "What I'd really like is a car that runs as smoothly as you talk."
Jones: "Good Evening, old man. Thought I'd drop in and see you about the umbrella you borrowed from me last week."
Brown: "I'm sorry, but I lent it to a friend of mine.
Were you wanting it?"
Jones: "Well, not for myself, but the fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it."
Author: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me."
Friend: "What makes you think so?"
Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."