There was a train crash train de railed and a number of people were
died. Sardar Banta was the driver. He has been asked by the equerry
committee how the train de-railed Banta replied " I find a man on the rail
and the incident happened" . "Why don't you roll over the man and avoid
the big tragedy"? asked the committee. Banta said "I too had the plan to
kill him but at the last moment he gave up his decision and moved away
from the rail and to kill him I too divert my path from the rail".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and
France. Before it's construction, the tenders were
invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads
throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided
to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was
surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders
were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job
for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the
contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked
BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh
said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him
here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank
and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet,
you get a tunnel." The dumb! struck officer asked with courage," and if
you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels at
the cost of one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom
seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the
rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met
Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands,
scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on?
Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta
replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her.
Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw
our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She
went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi,
I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but
immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote: Yes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came
home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everythi! ng is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New -
Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Santa, What a car! Where did you get it from ?
Santa: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this
car and asked me - "want a ride Mr. Singh ?"
I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got
outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "What did you do Santa?"
Santa: I took the car.
Banta: good show - you wouldn't have fit into her clothes!..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar Garbachan singh went to Newyork to attend a course to improve
his IQ. After completing the course on the way back to airport by a taxi
he began to think about his intellectuality and decided to test the IQ.
He asked the driver of the cab to ask one question. Driver said " My
father has three children one a business man doing his business in
Florida, one an artist doing his thesis in MIT and who is the third one?
Sardar worked for an hour to find the solution but could not. Finally he
accepts defeat. The driver said "it is me the taxi driver". After getting
India Sardar has give a glorious welcome by some groups of Sardars. In
the function our Garbachen is told to ask a question. Garbachen said
"my father has three children one, who working at Delhi as an engineer
another one a postman working at Jalandher and who is the third one.
After hours of thinking non of those Sardar could answered. Finally
Garbachen said "h e is the taxi driver at New York."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes and decided to do his
PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis
when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cut
one of its leg. Then he said "WALK". The cockroach moves forward. Then
Banta cut its second leg and commanded "WALK" . The cockroach manages to
moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "WALK". The
cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its
fourth leg and said "WALK". The poor cockroach could not move and lay
helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches.
He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Banta is
jubilant, "NOW" says Banta "MY THESIS IS READY" and proceeds to write it.
"WHEN YOU CUT FOUR LEGS OF A COCKROACH IT BECOMES DEAF"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar Garbhajan singh was working in a lathe and one of his hand
jammed inside the cog. He was been hospitalized. The doctors and nurses said
oh! Good luck the left hand is jammed not the right Garbhajan replied
"First the right hand jammed but I taken it out from the cog and put my
left hand"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar Garbhajan Singh went for hunting in a thick forest. He did not
even find an animal. He is in his jeep. All of sudden one Lion jumped
from a bush. Sardar frightened forgot to shoot, start the jeep and
accelerate it fast to save himself. But the Lion is just behind him full
speed. Ahead a junction the road divides and goes to two sides, Garbajen
looked through the mirror the lion is just behind. He has an idea and
saved his life. Do you know what he did?? He flashed the left indicator of
the jeep on approaching the junction and turn to right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GAMBLES Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very
depressed. "What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet
yesterday . " "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between
India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would
win, but I lost the bet." " But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest
go ?" " Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab
Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to
all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to
see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are
you outstanding! Please income.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and
the other one is blue with red spots! Banta : Yes it's really strange.
I've got another pair of the same at home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY? Banta:
A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese"
when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says
that every 4thperson born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and
France. Before it's construction, the tenders were
invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads
throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided
to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was
surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders
were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job
for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the
contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked
BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh
said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him
here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank
and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet,
you get a tunnel." The dumb! struck officer asked with courage," and if
you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels at
the cost of one."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom
seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the
rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met
Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands,
scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on?
Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta
replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her.
Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw
our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She
went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi,
I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but
immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote: Yes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came
home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everythi! ng is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New -
Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Santa, What a car! Where did you get it from ?
Santa: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this
car and asked me - "want a ride Mr. Singh ?"
I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got
outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "What did you do Santa?"
Santa: I took the car.
Banta: good show - you wouldn't have fit into her clothes!..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar Garbachan singh went to Newyork to attend a course to improve
his IQ. After completing the course on the way back to airport by a taxi
he began to think about his intellectuality and decided to test the IQ.
He asked the driver of the cab to ask one question. Driver said " My
father has three children one a business man doing his business in
Florida, one an artist doing his thesis in MIT and who is the third one?
Sardar worked for an hour to find the solution but could not. Finally he
accept defeat. The driver said "it is me the taxi driver". After getting
India Sardar has give a glorious welcome by some groups of Sardars. In
the function our Garbachen is told to ask a question. Garbachen said
"my father has three children one, who working at Delhi as an engineer
another one a postman working at Jalandher and who is the third one.
After hours of thinking non of those Sardar could answered. Finally
Garbachen said "h! e is the taxi driver at Newyork."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes and decided to do his
PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis
when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cut
one of its leg. Then he said "WALK". The cockroach moves forward. Then
Banta cut its second leg and commanded "WALK" . The cockroach manages to
moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "WALK". The
cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its
fourth leg and said "WALK". The poor cockroach could not move and lay
helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches.
He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Banta is
jubilant, "NOW" says Banta "MY THESIS IS READY" and proceeds to write it.
"WHEN YOU CUT FOUR LEGS OF A COCKROACH IT BECOMES DEAF"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LETTER FROM A SARDAR ' S LOVING MOTHER
Pyaarey puttar,
Vahe Guru. I ' m writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot
read fast.
We don' t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
paper that most accidents happen20 miles from home,so we moved 20 miles.
I won' t be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here
took the house numbers with them for their new house so they wouldn't
have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a
washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works
too well. Last week I putin 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven' t
seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last
week. The first it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut
them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting
the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven' t found out whether it's
a girl or a boy, so I don' t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jatinder fell in athe nearby well. Some men tried to pull
him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and
he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his
father' s last wishes. His father hadwished to be buried in the sea
after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave
for his father.
There isn' t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P.S : I was going to send you some money but the Envelope was already
sealed.
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300
days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called
the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his
friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail
condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to
write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a
pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to
scribble a note. Then he died.
Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he
slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He
realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day
Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he
died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen
tube!"