CHILDREN JOKES

Children's truths

Children's truths
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.

9) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

10)School lunches stick to the wall.

11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

12) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

13) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

God is watching

God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Good advice from kids

Good advice from kids
"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer."
-Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
-Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes."
-Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
-Emily, age 10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
-Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
- Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
- Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
-Amir, age 9









"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts."
-Kellie, age 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."
-Alyesha, age 13

"Never try to baptize a cat."
-Eileen, age 8