Jokes

•When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.
Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?
• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.
• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal
• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever!
Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?
• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!
• A child on a farm sees a plain flying by overhead n dreams of a far away place. A traveler on d plain sees d farm n dreams of that. That’s life. We never realized d value of the thing unless it moves away frm us. Enjoy d moment u hav with u. Gud Day
• Is pyari si subah mein, pyare se mausam mein, pyari si koyal ki awaaz, pyari si hawaaon mein, sabse pyare insaan aur sabse pyare dost ko Good Morning!
• Knock!Knock! May I come into ur world? I bring no flowers, no cakes but wishes to keep U fresh, prayer to keep u healthy & luv to keep u smiling. Gud Morning!
• A day may start or end without a message from me, but believe me it won't start or end without me thinking of u... Gud Morning!
• Difficulties in ur life doesn't come to destroy u, but to help u realisee your hidden potentia. Let difficulties know that u r More Difficult. Gud Day
• Worst thing in life? Someone has tears in eyes because of U. And the best thing? Someone has tears in eyes for U. Gud Day!
• Saathi sirf vo to nahin hota jo jeewan bhar saath nibhaye, Saathi to vo hota hai jo jeewan ke kuch palon mein hi jeewan bhar ka saath de jaaye. Gud Day.
• On the canvas of life we often go off colour, but as long as people like u are there to add the right shades, life goes on to be a rainbow! Gud Morning.
• Troubles r like washing machine; They twist, turn & knock us around, but in the end we come out brighter than before... Have a nice day!
• Smile is a lnguage of Luv. Smile is a way to get success, Smile is to win the hearts. Smile improves ur personality. Brush daily. Gud Morning