What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional
man who will just love them for who they are.
What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only
because no other woman wants him.
What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Anderson; Wonderful Mom...
What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra
lbs the moment after she says "I Do", beginning with the wedding cake!
What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss
and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience
What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What men expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor their
What they get: 3 helions who are a combination of their parents every
fault and make their life a living hell.
1st anniversary card from husband to wife: "My sweet loving wife....I
hope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heart
and soul, I am forever yours."
5th anniversary card: "I love you so much honey...words cannot describe."
10th anniversary card: "Hey, how's it hangin'? Love Ya'!!"
15th anniversary card: "Ummmmmmmmm......'sup?"
16th anniversary card from wife to husband: "You are hereby summoned
to divorce proceedings..."