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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

King David

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sasha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.


The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays'

Red Skelton

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming.
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...


You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.


My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.

Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'


First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy : 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'