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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... So I took her to a gas station.
*And that's when the fight started... *

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply. The woman
behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too."
*And that's when the fight started... *

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think that a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
*And that's when the fight started... *

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
*And that's when the fight started... *


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a