Joe wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Joke looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early for work, Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Joe asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Joe asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off me, bitch! I'm married!'"
Moral of the Story:
Self-induced hangover... $100
Broken furniture... $2,000
Saying the right thing to your wife when you're drunk... PRICELESS!!