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Thread: Airline attendant announcments

  1. #1
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    Airline attendant announcments

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
    Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
    of this airplane..."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event
    of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

    "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
    contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing
    of the airplane."

    "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in
    the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

    Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish,
    but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold
    outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

    And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
    hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you
    for a ride."

    As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross
    in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
    luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the
    intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system
    that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in
    their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the
    gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.

    Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
    altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to
    autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for
    the rest of the flight."

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

    "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
    overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
    assisting children or adults acting like children."


     


    "As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your
    belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
    flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
    "Last one off the plane must clean it."

    And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
    some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none
    of them are on this flight...!"

    Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in
    Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
    "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to
    tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault,
    it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

    Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
    particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
    was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
    Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
    welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
    fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
    gate!"

    Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
    ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
    terminal."

    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
    flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
    opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
    sure as hell everything has shifted."

    From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
    XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the
    buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if
    you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
    public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
    oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,
    and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with
    you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
    traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
    Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
    they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
    remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
    Airlines."

    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
    his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
    required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
    exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
    that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
    passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
    Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
    with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
    Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
    land or were we shot down?"

    After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
    on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
    Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
    halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
    warning bells are silent, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
    through the wreckage to the terminal.

    Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
    you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
    insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
    tube, we hope you'll think of us here at USAirways."



  2. #2
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    baaki ka kal padh loonga.. hehe lolz.. it was nice, but looooooooooooooonnnnggggggggggg

  3. #3
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    each one is a separate incident......

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    i know... i meant there were too many...

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    Senior Member Array sunnyajmal's Avatar
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    most of them are correct....

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    Lol good ones Darani.

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    thnx jojo....

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    Senior Member Array sunnyajmal's Avatar
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    hey jojo! yar u have no posts these days, wat happened to you?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyajmal
    hey jojo! yar u have no posts these days, wat happened to you?
    Sorry buddy, didn't get any new ones yet

  10. #10
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    keep trying yaar
    nice thought Darani

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