* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot..
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control..
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest..
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you..
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once..
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck..
* All men are idiots, and I married their King..
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition..
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs..
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it..
* Few women admit their age, Fewer men act it..
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it..
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW..
* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else..
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else..
* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes..
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps..