At the end of every flight, the pilots for Qantas fill in what is called a 'gripe' sheet where they write any faults they found on the aircraft during the flight, which is then handed to ground maintenance who rectify the faults and write a report so the pilot can see what exactly has been done. This is a copy of an actual 'gripe' sheet. Never let it be said engineers don't have a sense of humour.....


Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Maintenance: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Maintenance: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Maintenance: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Maintenance: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Maintenance: Unable to reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Maintenance: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Maintenance: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Maintenance: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Maintenance: That's what they're there for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative.
Maintenance: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Maintenance: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Maintenance: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Maintenance: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Maintenance: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Maintenance: Took hammer away from midget.