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Thread: English is a Crazy Language

  1. #1

    English is a Crazy Language

    Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant
    nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
    weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
    candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
    quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
    neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
    groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
    plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index,
    2 indices?


    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you
    comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch
    of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
    vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps
    you bote your tongue?

    Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
    for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
    play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that
    run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
    wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while
    quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell
    one day and cold as hell another.

    Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
    absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a
    sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who
    was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those
    people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
    can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
    and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
    creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That
    is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
    out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but
    when I wind up this essay, I end it.

  2. #2
    A Copy-Paste POST..... Aragon... it is not written by you..

  3. #3
    i agree huma, but at least he made an effort searching for such a cool mail, and givin us a great deal of info!!

    keep it up Arag, nice paste..i mean post..hehe..

  4. #4
    well i said u i had A COLLECTION OF THESE JOKES. I HAD BEEN COLLECTING THEM FOR 4YRS. and so obviously its not written by me if i had been COLLECTING IT.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Array sunnyajmal's Avatar
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    Nice jokes Aragorn keep it up yar!

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