The Best Divorce Letter... EVER..!!!
My Dear husband:
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you..
I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Wife.
PS. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to Invercargill together..!!!! Have a great life..!!!

Dear Ex-wife
Nothing has made-my-day more.... than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching, too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!'
Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice... I didn't comment..!!!
And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten pork for 7 years.
About the new nightie... I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on it... & I prayed it was just a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning..!!!
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the 60 million Euro Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Jamaica... but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote... ensures you won't get a penny from me..!!
So take care.

Your Ex-Husband... Rich As Hell... & Free.!!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this... but my brother Carl was born "Carla"..!!!! I hope that's not a problem.!