Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference room: A place where nobody talks, nobody listens everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic: A book, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet"
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.