A guy goes into a pub and orders a double whisky. He pays up, gulps it down

and looks into his shirt pocket. He then orders another double-whisky, pays,

gulps it down and looks into his shirt pocket again. He orders a third drink

and does the same thing. After the seventh double, he gets up and starts to

stagger out. Curiosity gets the better of the landlord, and he says to the

Guy 'Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you had a drink, you looked

inside your pocket. I was wondering what was in there?' The Guy looks at him

at him for a moment, then slurs, 'well, I keep a picture of my dear wife in

that pocket. Every time I have a drink, I take a look. When she starts

looking good, I go home'.

This guy was a passionate fishermen, and would always spend the weekend at

the waterside regardless of the weather. One Sunday he headed off to the

riverside as usual. However, it was freezing cold and pouring with rain and,

uncharacteristically, he decided to go home. When he got home, he noticed his

wife was still in bed, so he made a cup of coffee for the two of them, went

up to the bedroom and said, 'Hello darling. I've made some coffee. It's

really dreadful out there, freezing cold and lashing with rain'. 'Yeah', she

said sleepily, 'and that stupid husband of mine went fishing anyway!'

A guy stumbles home completely plastered. He spends an hour trying to get the

key into the lock, with no success, when a policeman happens to walk by. 'Is

every thing alright sir?' asks the policeman. 'I can't seem to get my key in

the damn door ocifer', slurs the man. The policeman helps him out with the

key, and starts to go his way. 'Wait! wait!' shouts the drunk, 'I really

appreciate it. Let me show you my house!', 'No thank you, sir I'll just be

right on my way', says the policeman. 'I insist' presses the drunk, 'it'll


only take a second, I really want to show you!'. So the policeman agrees, to

keep the peace, and they go inside. They enter the living room. 'There's my

TV, my stereo, and all that', says the man. 'That's nice', replies the

policeman. They go through to the kitchen 'There's my microwave, the new

refrigerator, pretty nice, eh?' boasts the man. 'Lovely' replies the

policeman. Into the kids bedroom, 'those are my two baby boys', 'yes they

look cute'. Finally they get through to the man's bedroom. 'And that's my

wife, oh and that's me next to her'.