A man walks into a barber shop and asks; "how much for a hair cut?" The barber said $12.50. The man asks; "and how much for a shave?" The barber said $1.50. The man then says SHAVE IT ALL.
A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"
A woman sadly tells her husband: We will not be together in heaven as we may die at different times my dear.
After a pause her husband replied; my dear that is why the place is known as 'Heaven'.