1. God is real, unless declared integer
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
3. Death is hereditary.
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11. Well done is better than well said.
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die