If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!" -Delta Burke
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne
I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it. -Bill Cosby
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. -Tim Allen
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." -Elayne Boosler
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. -Tim Allen
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Dollars and guns are no substitutes for brains and will power.
Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.
I despise all adjectives that try to describe people as liberal or conservative, rightist or leftist, as long as they stay in the useful part of the road.
I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.
I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.
You do not lead by hitting people over the head. That's assault, not leadership
All from Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1890 - 1969