Jokes

Terminator · Guest

thanks for the compliment....napster
will try to post more.

shalin_99 · Posted: August 17 2007 Post subject:

nice jokes
but you could also accommodate all and write

Terminator · Guest

i don't have them with me i search them and when i find the best then only i post them.

thanks for ur appreciation.

shalin_99 · Posted: August 17 2007 Post subject:

its my farz terminator

Terminator · Guest

14.) A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

"Ten pounds," he replies.

"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.

About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”

The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!

That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."

"We’ll send someone over."

The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!

That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"

"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."

The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"

About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”

Terminator · Guest

15.) A man goes into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender looks on as the guy downs one after another.

As he slams the 10th one, the bartender says, "I don’t think you should be drinking those so fast."

"You would if you had what I have," the man says, throwing back number 11.

"Well, what is it you have?"

The man throws back his last shot and says, "Fifty cents."

Terminator · Guest

16.) A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a .”

“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

Terminator · Guest

17.) A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Terminator · Guest

18.) A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “Pig! ”

The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “*****!”

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Terminator · Guest

19.) A teacher was teaching her class to use good manners.

She asks a student, "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you needed to use the bathroom?"

He responded, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite! What about you John, how would you say it?"

"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not nice to use the word bathroom at the table. And you Peter, how would you show your good manners?"

Peter said with a smile, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

Terminator · Guest

20.) The captain of a fearsome pirate ship decides to have a talk with a rookie that is setting out for his first voyage ever.

Captain: "So, any questions?"

Rookie: "Just one. Since there are no women on the ship and we are at sea for months at a time, what do we do if we get…uh…you know…the urge?"

Captain: "See that barrel over there?"

Rookie: "Yep."

Captain: "See the hole in the side of the barrel?"

Rookie: "Yep."

Captain: "Well, anytime you get the urge, just use that hole in the barrel. Anytime except on Tuesdays."

Rookie: "Why not Tuesdays?"

Captain: "That's your day in the barrel."

shainee · Posted: January 10 2008 Post subject:

I LIKE YOUR BEARD

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend"
When she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Really, I can't," he replied. " My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.
That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, " Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

beng072488 · Guest

nice jokes

jojo_patty · Posted: January 10 2008 Post subject:

Nice One Shainee... And also welcome to Nidokidos!!

Azzulraman · Guest

nice jokes.. Smile

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